October 29, 2005
Silence speaks
And finally, my first post. Much delayed, though. I’d been busy with a lot of things - exams, cousin’s engagement, playing guide for relatives etc. etc.
Well, switching to more important things, a lot has been on my mind lately. Not a very good thing ’cause that means I’ll be thinking a lot, and when I start thinking, I can do the stupidest things on the planet.
Getting over past issues: I mean you’d think that when all these signs and symbols are flashed in your face, you’d get the point and move it, but no! Not me. I don’t get the point of these signs and symbols at all. Words work better with me. From the source itself. Ofcourse, that’s not happening either. What do I get for being such a silent soul? Silence. Just when I’m looking for answers, I get this smoke-from-the-ears, frustrating silence. When some people say that things are fine, you’d expect them to atleast respond to what you’re saying or hold a decent conversation with you. Then why isn’t that freakin’ happening? I’m asking for some plain and simple friendship not this weird attitude that comes along with a killer smile.
I keep telling myself over and over again that things are fine and everything was a matter of the past. But I know that I’m just lying to myself. If it were the past, it wouldn’t be kicking me so hard in the present. And yet I’m trying. Trying to see things like they were never meant to be. Each night I sing myself to sleep, making myself believe that its been a great day and I’m more happy than I ever could be. And just as I close my eyes I know its not true because all of us tell ourselves the biggest lie when we fall asleep….
Warshhhh at 9:56 pm
5 Comments
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people rarely ever tell each other the truth, especially friends, truth is usually painful, and few can handle it. we lie to ourselves, but we shouldn’t. thats the only way we can ever remain rooted in reality.
focus on the good, not the bad. try to remember all the good that has happened with these people, and maybe you’ll see a way of making it better. getting yourself down due to it doesn’t help, only causes clouds to darke
the point is not to stop thinking, but to channel it. thinking is helpful.
and remember there are some of us who are there no matter what. talking may help. though my advice may not.
take care, i’m here if you want to talk..
Comment by: SEV October 30, 2005 @ 4:46 am
hey….if u ask me…tryin 2 convince urself tht everythin is FINE whn its not isnt really good…u r running frm reality…a better way…accordin 2 me wud b 2 sit down…think abt wt da prob really is…look 4 solutions n try solvin da prob
Comment by: Viveka October 30, 2005 @ 9:28 pm
Unfortunately, solutions don’t work in this problem. I’m not exactly forcing myself to think that things are fine. Its just that there is no point in staying at the same spot either, so I might as well get on with it.
Comment by: Warsha October 30, 2005 @ 10:42 pm
i can’t put a finger on what the underlying issue is… but normally when it comes to issues regarding people, i’d say you either have to talk to them (the cause) to find a solution, or ignore them so they don’t hurt you anymore. normally it works well in that order, because when talking fails, ignoring works damn well. this may sound a bit pessimistic, but the point is, u can’t let anyone else affect your life in a manner that will bring u down. it’s simply survival… of the fittest, perhaps. basically, when it comes to friends, mostly what “mum & dad” say is true (sad to admit, but they’ve got a point!): family is more important than friends. i won’t say that it holds true always, but usually your family will do things for u because they want to… not because they’re obliged to. i’ve seen this a lot lately, and my view of people has changed dramatically. anyway, the point being: don’t get youself down for someone else who may not care… and talk to the ones closest to you… you’ll feel much better =P my comment did stray a bit; hopefully i made my point.
Comment by: anisha November 1, 2005 @ 12:18 am
Thanks. I did get the point. Ofcourse, I’m in a part of my life where I think my friends are the most important. But these people I’m trying to ignore make it quite difficult ’cause they’re right in front of me all day (college mates). I have done more or less what you stated but you can see the problem. What makes it impossible is that one moment they can be heart-wrenchingly sweet and the next they’re ice-cold. You are right, though, about family being there for you with all their heart and soul. Then again, depends on who you consider family (I include my best friend in that).
Comment by: Warsha November 1, 2005 @ 1:18 pm