November 15, 2005
4, 3, 2, 1. Here I come…
4 days to go. For what you ask? Two letters. UK. That’s right, yours truly, shall be leaving for the land of the Queen this Saturday. Few days in London, then Scotland and a stopover at Dubai on the way back. Actually my parents and I planned this trip purely for my brother’s convocation at his University in Aberdeen, Scotland. But we decided to throw in a bit of fun and make the trip worthwhile by adding a couple more places. And I must say, what fun! The last time I visited London, I was three and all I could remember was that I fought a lot with my brother, saw a lot of stuffed toy shops and wore atleast three sweaters. I’m hoping that this time I get to bring back one of those jumbo teddy bears. I am a HUGE collector of stuffed toys. Especially those fuzzy, cuddly teddy bears. After all, I am a girl and quite a child at heart. I’m also praying with all my heart that it snows. There’s a very slight chance, but you never know. It will be the first time ever that I get to see it. Then this trip would definitely be worth it.
As it is, this year, my 12th has been transformed into paradise land, what with a family marriage (my cousin sister’s) and this trip. I can hardly, remotely even understand the term “study” or “exam”. Can ya blame me? I was just pushed into this situation and I’m lovin’ it! Woohoo! Well, I may not be able to write much when I’m there, but I definitely will give a detailed, day-to-day account of everything I’ve done when I’m back. Which is in about two weeks. As for now, we’re midway through packing and buying stuff and I guess I’m going to be quite busy for these 4 days so this will be all for now. Till December 3rd, au revoir! Take care, mes amours.
p.s. Forgive the french, just wanted to express my sentiments..
Warshhhh at 4:54 pm
November 9, 2005
Musing….
I was just reading a couple of quotes today about success and failure. I’ve always recognised my mistakes and accepted them. I never try to avoid or discard them. It never works because some part of you is bound to feel it and trust me, these things are like nagging wives and moms. They won’t let you off till you’ve done something about them. I’ve made a lot of errors in decision and judgement. I learnt the hard way. But, it never stays on my mind for too long since I see to it that I’ve done everything possibe to make up for it or change myself or whatever.
A while ago I’d thought that I’d made the hugest mistake by letting go of some people who were really close to my heart. But that’s what I felt at that time. It never struck me that this was probably one of those few things that life was out to teach me, had kept in store for me. Things don’t last forever. They won’t unless you do something about it. And if it still doesn’t last, then don’t make it your fault. Atleast you gave it your best shot. Just brush it aside and walk on. Something is bound to come your way. Something that was waiting for you to arrive. Its just a matter of time. I, for example, have found soulmates in three people I thankfully came across. And some part of me knows that they will be immortal to me.
A few times, we tend to think back at all that has happened and ask ourselves if anything could have been done to change the past. My opinion is that one should not sit around trying to undo what has been done. Its quite impossible to do so. Things change for the good and bad. We must try to hold on to the good of it. Never give up on your hopes and dreams and don’t assume that such things come only once in a lifetime. Its upto us to make them keep coming. Hope. Courage. Determination.
At some point, you have to do things alone and that is when you know that you most certainly have the strength to endure future hindrances. So why don’t all of you quitters just give a break to yoursleves. Sometimes its not just your fault, it could be someone else’s. Everyone makes mistakes. The more we try to avoid them, the more likely they are going to pay you a visit. It’s just a matter of accepting them and moving on. Simple as that.
“Be not ashamed of mistakes and thus make them crimes.” - Confucius
“While one person hesitates because he feels inferior, the other is busy making mistakes and becoming superior.” - Henry C. Link
“Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.” - Scott Adams
“Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives.” - William Dement
“Look not mournfully into the past. It comes not back again. Wisely improve the present. It is thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy future, without fear.” - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Warshhhh at 4:26 pm
November 8, 2005
Good times, bad times - who’s to judge?
I saw this interview of Jennifer Aniston on the Oprah Winfrey Show. It was the inaugurating episode for the new set and 20th season of her show. Pretty awesome. Anyway, they discussed Jen’s acting and her coping up with life after the break up. And believe it or not, some of the things Jen said really inspired me. I mean, there is no connection between her recovering from a failed marriage and my problems with certain friends. And yet, somehow what she said made a hell lot of sense to me. She stated that she had shed some tears and been through bad times, until one day, while sunbathing with her best friends, everything just clicked into place and she had said to them,” Right now, there is nowhere I’d rather be than sitting here, across from you.”
That statement shook some part of my brain into place. I realised too, that at this point, all I really wanted, was to be with my best friends, my family, my music, my career. Nothing else really mattered. All these messy relationships with others were just screwing up what I could have with the people I really care for. If things were meant to be, nothing would have gone wrong in the first place and even if it had, we would have managed to work things out. But, that not being the case, I’ve realised that now’s the time for me to take that step forward. Into better times and a world filled with smiles and laughter. I know it may not be long-lasting and I’m likely to collide into probably worse problems, but I know at that time, I will do what’s right and things could work out. After all, life can never be perfect, how much ever I try to make it so. But hey, no harm in that, right?
“At least a million times I’ve fallen,
But never will I break……”
Warshhhh at 3:39 pm
November 5, 2005
Life isn’t all ha ha
I can guess what you’re thinking. What the bloody hell kind of title is that? Guess what? That’s the name of a movie I saw a couple of nights ago. I never even knew that it existed until then. It’s another one of those off beat indo-brit movies. But I have to say, it was quite an effective one. Ofcourse, it had Ayesha Dharkar, so….. Anyway I’ll probably tell you the story some other time.
Today, I found out something quite interesting. And even more unbelievably, from my grandmother. All my life I’ve known my name to mean “rain”. I’m rather obsessed with stuff like names and zodiac signs and other things related to personality and philosophy. Yeah, most of it is just a play of words. But there’s something about its rough accuracy that really catches my attention. Its kinda nice when you read something about yourself and discover that its actually true or could be. Anyway, coming back to my name. I’ve discovered another meaning to it. It means, “one who has everything or achieves everything”. Ironic, as of now. ‘Cause if that’s what its supposed to mean then why do I feel like I really have nothing? I know what most of you are going to say: one can’t have everything, you’ve got you’re whole life to get everything, what are you complaining about- you already have so much etc. etc. But some part of me is just empty. All the riches and friends and happiness doesn’t seem to fill it. There’s something I need which I’m unable to acquire. All because of my ego, stupidity or just bad luck, I don’t know. At the beginning of the year, I would have felt that this meaning suited my name perfectly because I truly did have everything I could ask for. My heart and every part of me was filled with satisfaction, love and happiness. Then I went ahead and screwed it all up due some merciless, thankless, misunderstanding factors. I gave it all up for them and what did they do? They just threw it right down the drain. I, ofcourse could not recover what I’d lost. Don’t know if I ever will. Some people close to my heart give me courage to hope and believe that I will. That someday I will get back whatever I’d lost and it will fit back into this empty space. When though? How long am I supposed to wait? Is it even worth waiting for? I don’t even know how it is on the other side. If there’s even a bit of co-operation from there. I’m unable to get out of this mental mess only because I don’t know the other side of it. And how am I supposed to know, if all I get, is empty silence. Menaingless, confusing silence.
You know, I was going write today about how I’m ready to move on to happier days. But man! Some things just don’t leave your mind. And then there are all these external factors that trigger everything that you’re trying to get rid off. Quite frustrating, if I may say so. I’m sure a lot of you will be rather confused with this confession. Just comprehend it the way you see it. I, for one, can’t really come out with it in proper words. But those of you who do understand, well, thank you. You must try to see, that this place is one where I can express all my innermost fears, desires, hatred. I can’t name anybody, but atleast when I can’t get something through to them directly, they will get my point through this (hopefully). Well, just had to get that off my mind. Can’t say much more now. Will only get further depressed.
(p.s. have made up my mind to atleast temporarily move on to happier times as of tomorrow) 
Warshhhh at 7:32 pm
November 1, 2005
The story of a strange girl..
(This is a post from my previous blog for all of you who’ve never read it. Just a little something about me.)
Let’s see now. Once upon a time there lived a strange girl named Warsha. She never spoke much and her first impression to people was that she was a bit weird and probably a bit dumb. But she wasn’t. She was quite a nice person actually. Just not much of a talker. Yup, the story of me.
Well, for starters I’m not much of a talker as I’ve already mentioned before. That’s why writing is a better way of coming across for me. Those who wish to know bits of me I don’t show, well, this is your chance. People, even my friends, say that i don’t talk much and tend to keep away from the scene of action. It’s true. I’m like that. I can’t help it. I just seek more pleasure in playing audience rather than being in the forefront. Not that I’m shy or scared or have an inferiority complex. If I’m really in the mood for some fun, I’ll be first in line and will be more than happy to take lead. Ok, that doesn’t mean that I’m a boring person otherwise. It’s just a matter of asking me. I’m a pathetic conversation starter. It’s one of my weaknesses. It’s not like I ask anything out of people. Just that they help in starting the conversation. Now is that so hard?
Anyway, enough of me cribbing. But just one question. Is it so hard to believe that I’m a silent person? That I like being silent? That I just dont want to talk sometimes? If you want me to talk, just tell me. That’s all it takes. One word, one question. Again, everyone says I should try to change that. I should learn to talk more. Hello??!!!!! I do talk a lot. Ask the people I talk to on a daily basis. It’s just a matter of bringing up a discussable topic or just some sheer nonsense. I’m up for both. Truth be told, I’ve faced some real bad times in my short life. More than people know. I’ve never spoken about it only coz I know people don’t understand. I’ve tried before. It doesn’t work. Some of my used-to-be-closest friends can’t even accept me for who I am. Hell, they’ve just wiped me off their slate. It’s hardened me and considerably lessened my desire to talk. Coz anything I said was never really listened to or even accepted.
I can say one thing though. Thanks to some people, I have changed and for the better. I am more open about what I feel and not afraid to speak up. All thanks to them. I’m not sure if they’re even aware of how much I’ve changed due to silent motivation from them. Well, I’m always willing to correct my flaws as long as people can point them out to me when I’m not aware of it. I’m not afraid to face the truth or make others face it. After all, its for one’s own good. But can they trust me enough to accept it?
Well, I won’t go too deep into that right now. Maybe I’ll come out with it eventually. Ok, so I guess that should do for today. This is just the start. If some of you find this too philosophical and boring, by all means you can stop reading. But I assure you this is one place you’ll get to know me more than I wish to tell in person. If you like what you read or have an opinion you wish to state, please go ahead and paste a comment. Laterz.
Warshhhh at 10:03 pm