April 10, 2006
A flickering candle
The last time I saw my grandfather since he was admitted at the hospital, he talked to me. He wasn’t too cheerful, but he was talking and atleast acknowledging the fact that I was there. It’s been 4 days. For the first time, while listening to my father and uncle discuss his grave situation, I felt fear, i was scared. Suddenly I had to face a fact of reality. The candle was flickering. Time was running out. When the doctor let us in, my legs were wobbly, my mind was numb. It was my sweet, hot-tempered thatha losing his grip on life. He was unable to speak. But he could listen. I called out to him and he half-opened his eyes. I felt so….sad. Can’t explain it otherwise. I couldn’t cry, I was just, i guess, stunned. In semi-shock. My grandfather is one of the strongest, determined people I’ve known. At 90, he is as healthy as can be except for lack of oxygen. Just a week ago, when he was more conscious, he would be so particular about the way everything was done and where everything was kept. Like he always was.
I know that the inevitable is around the corner. That the candle will blow out any one of these days. It’s just difficult to see him in his state, so weak and sufferring from so much pain. I can still remember him testing me on math and telliing me stories of the Gods and Kings. And when he gets them wrong, my grandmother would correct him and he would laugh at his forgetfulness. I respect and love him with my heart, and wish he could still have the strength to live upto a 100. All of us, kids, always imagined him being there throughout. I guess in many ways, he will be. In our hearts…
A Smiling Thatha
p.s. not sure if its right to post this but I am. this blog was made for me to express my emotions and after quite sometime, i’m feeling emotion.
Warshhhh at 9:40 pm
3 Comments
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Warsh, you are my eyes now. I’m just not ready to accept any of this. If it’s all so true, I won’t be able to see him. One more time. One more look. One more smile. One more tme to hold his hand. I would do anything to have this. If you get to visit him again or talk to him, tell me I asked about him.
Comment by: anisha April 11, 2006 @ 9:04 am
Really touching Warsha - now I know you did not wait till I came out of ICCU. Sorry!!
Comment by: Vati April 11, 2006 @ 12:56 pm
I wish I could talk about it. The pic says it all.
Comment by: SEV April 11, 2006 @ 5:06 pm